going...Going...GONE!

To say that I’m exhausted is an understatement. I have decided that there is no word to accurately describe how tired I feel. My tiredness incorporates a physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion that I don’t think I’ve experienced in my 32 years.

Over the last several months I’ve been cleaning, sorting, and tossing about 9 years' worth (maybe more) accumulation of stuff since college. Not knowing what is really in the next scope of life I’ve been trying to eliminate as much of my stuff as possible to be ready to go…for whatever the Lord had in mind.

Well, over the last two weeks I kicked it into high clean up gear as it looked like maybe some details were beginning to fall into place. A friend of mine (who’s getting married in August) and I decided to throw a garage sale to rid ourselves of much of our junk. For the last week I’ve lived amongst most of my junk as well as all of it’s dust and dirt. (I’m not really sure if my sinuses will ever be the same!) And as details really began to firm up, it looked indeed that I would be moving (more on my move in a later post). So, what initially started out as a garage sale turned into a large moving sale. Instead of eliminating much smaller items, now I was parting with the much larger items of my life…the bedroom suit I’ve had since high school; my first couch I bought just after graduating college; tvs and dvd players; TONS of books; kitchen and decorative items that have over the years created a sense of home.

And, as of yesterday afternoon, most of my life is gone. If it wasn’t sold in the sale, it’s all sitting out in the garage awaiting a Goodwill pick up scheduled for about a week from now.

My home looks like a skeleton.

Maybe that sounds freaky to say, but it does. I feel a death in my life that it hard to describe and I’m sure for some it is hard to comprehend. My friend’s fiancé kept saying to me throughout the weekend, “It’s just stuff, Blythe. Aren’t you glad to be rid of it?”

Yes. I am. And yet, all this stuff has created a sense of place and home not just for me but for others. Some of that is just a deep expression of my femininity. Some of that just stems from how I have been specifically wired. And some of it is a hospitality gift that enjoys creating an atmosphere where others feel welcomed and at rest. It has been such a joy to share my home (especially this one of the last four years) with others. I feel a loss and a death in my life that is quite hard to shake off so easily.

But, I know through all the different details that have been slowly and yet assuredly hammering themselves out over the last several weeks that God is leading and directing in this. And my heart is His. I want to follow Him and learn how to create home in this next season, you know?

So, today I am wiped. But there is a Hope in my exhaustion that helps me set my eyes upon Him. Over the last couple of days, a verse from Isaiah has filled my thoughts and has deeply encouraged me to hang in there with Him in all this. Specifically verse 21 but the whole passage has spoken to my heart:

Therefore the LORD is waiting to show you mercy, and is rising up to show you compassion, for the LORD is a just God. Happy are all who wait patiently for Him. For you people will live on Zion in Jerusalem and will never cry again. He will show favor to you at the sound of your cry; when He hears, He will answer you. The Lord will give you meager bread and water during oppression, but your Teacher will not hide Himself any longer. Your eyes will see your Teacher, and whenever you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear this command behind you: “This is the way. Walk in it.” Then you will defile your silver-plated idols and your gold-plated images. You will throw them away like menstrual cloths, and call them filth. Then He will send rain for your seed that you have sown in the ground, and the food, the produce of the ground, will be rich and plentiful. On that day your cattle will graze in open pastures. The oxen and donkeys that work the ground will eat salted fodder scattered with winnowing shovel and fork. Streams and watercourses will be on every high mountain and every raised hill on the day of great slaughter when the towers fall. The moonlight will be as bright as the sunlight, and the sunlight will be seven times brighter —like the light of seven days—on the day that the LORD bandages His people's injuries and heals the wounds He inflicted.