Campus Conversations

Yesterday and today a local church hosted GAP (Genocide Awareness Project) out on our campus. In a nutshell, it’s a very graphic display trying to get people to really think about abortion. The images are shocking, graphic, and highly emotional (at least for me). Many of our staff and students were out and about throughout the last couple of days trying to engage people in conversation around these horrific images. I think I watched a number of conversations of small pods of students going on for hours. I was amazed at how easy it was to engage students around such a highly controversial and volatile subject.

Set up near the display was a student group advocating genocide awareness in Darfur. This afternoon, another gal and I got into a conversation with Dustin, one of Darfur reps. What initially began by us asking him what he thought about the display and his pursuit to help the people of Darfur developed into an hour long conversation about his own quest to understand truth and Jesus for himself. He admitted that he didn’t want the “religion” of his parents – he wanted to make his own pursuit, even if that meant he came back to the beliefs of his parents.

Talking to him, I was reminded of me 14 years ago – a heart that was stepping out in faith and trying to figure out the faith that was, in a sense, mine and not my parents. That old memory made me hungry for that place, that freshness of faith pursuit once again. In some ways, I feel as I’m about to move on after 14 years, I’m there again. What have I learned that I need to keep? What needs to go? Will I be able to thrive out there on my own? What kind of woman will I become as a result of moving on?

I’m thankful that the Lord crossed my path with Dustin, today. Not just because I hope that our conversation sparked some new buds of truth, but because his quest and findings challenged me to see my own heart.

One of those days...

Blythe woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.

Blythe needs a time out.

Blythe must learn the lesson of Grumpy Bug.

Self-Inflicted Punishment

I will not mess with my blogger template.
I will not mess with my blogger template.
I will not mess with my blogger template.
I will not mess with my blogger template.
I will not mess with my blogger template.
I will not mess with my blogger template.
I will not mess with my blogger template.
I will not mess with my blogger template.
I will not mess with my blogger template.
I will not mess with my blogger template.
I will not mess with my blogger template.
I will not mess with my blogger template.
I will not mess with my blogger template.
I will not mess with my blogger template.
I will not mess with my blogger template.
I will not mess with my blogger template.
I will not mess with my blogger template.
I will not mess with my blogger template.
I will not mess with my blogger template.
I will not mess with my blogger template.
I will not mess with my blogger template.
I will not mess with my blogger template.
I will not mess with my blogger template.
I will not mess with my blogger template.

Thanks, Christoph, for getting me back to blogger normal.

"If you're adding to the noise..."

Switchfoot has a song that I find particularly enlightening about “the stuff” of life competing for our attention. The chorus goes something like:

If we're adding to the noise
turn off this song
If we're adding to the noise
turn off your stereo, radio, video

Last night as I was driving home after spending a great week with Jill and then catching some much needed reflective time with M.K. on my way home, I felt a huge craving for quiet. Normally on long car drives (especially the late night ones since I’m NOT a late night person!), anything I can do to distract myself with music, coffee, etc. the better. But last night as I was tempted to just put on the tunes and coast home, the chorus of this song kept going through my head. I realized very quickly that my heart was telling me to take this opportunity to pursue the quiet.

Plunging the internal depths of my heart, I used the time to think back on some of the conversations that I had either engaged in or listened to from the week. Thank you Jill, Alethea, M.K., Correnta, Sarah B., the Birthday Group for offering your ears and your hearts. As my heart listened in again, I found myself praying through those scenes and asking the Lord what it might be that He wants to pose to my heart. I was surprised by the new questions that found their way to the surface.

The reflective time in the car was deeply refreshing. And today I’m wondering how much of my heart I crowd out of my attention due to a high concentration of background noise? In living alone I admit that I often find myself turning the TV on to just have “noise” – there are a number of times it’s just on while I’m doing something else, mostly just providing some sort of replacement. Replacement for what, I’m not really sure. Sometimes I like the noise because it makes me feel less alone…like someone is in the house with me. Other times, I think it’s just on because it’s filler noise while I’m doing something particularly mundane. (Uh, for instance it’s on now while I’m typing this blog!)

In any case, I find myself wondering today:
How often have I missed questions or thoughts my heart is really embracing (or needs to embrace) because of noise…external and/or internal?
Have I missed something the Spirit is trying to tell me because I’ve fallen into a habit of allowing noise to steal my attention away?

Captain’s Log, Stardate 0321.06: To boldly watch shows I’ve never seen before…

Normally I’m not much of a sci-fi gal. My friend Jill Pole, however, is quite the aficionado. Since college, she’s done her best to introduce me to the cream of the crop science fiction and fantasy books and/or films that are currently capturing her attention…like the Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan. While I only got through WOT Doorstop #6, what little affinity I have for sci-fi is all due to her.

So over the course of the last two days, she’s had me testing the waters to see if I’d find some new loves. We finished the series of Firefly (I had actually started watching myself a year ago, had never finished it, and was currently finishing it through Netflix) and I finally got around to Serenity (Very bummed about Wash – Joss, “why, why, WHY???”); we watched the first episode of Stargate Atlantis and the Battlestar Galactica miniseries; and then, finished up with the first 6 epidsodes of season one of Smallville.

While Smallville was hands down my new current fav, I have to say that I think I’m willing to explore the others a little more to see if there’s a new series chemistry brewing…

The Coffee House Conspiracy Theory

I have long held the controversial and dangerous belief that there is a conspiracy among coffee shop owners -- once you have sat and enjoyed your perfect cup of coffee and have sat in some cozy establishment's corner for at least an hour and a half, they pull the “Freeze Out.” This is where they point the ac blower directly over you with blasts that could give any native of the South Pole frost bite.

I am sitting currently at one such coffee house. While I won’t mention any names, I will say you can probably find them on my linkage to the right….

Bitt-rrrrr.

Life in the Blog Pause

I have been home just under 3 hours and am enjoying catching up on the blog world that I’ve missed out on for most of the week. After spending nine hours in a vehicle today, it’s good to cozy up with Laptop and catch up on other people’s lives. Currently, I am doing laundry to repack and venture north for the week to visit my dear friend Jill Pole tomorrow morning. I am almost too excited to sleep! I think it’s been a year ago this next week since we’ve been in each other’s presence.

As to my week, my time in New Mexico had both its good and sad moments. The good of the week came from hearing some things from one of our speakers that is enabling me to better think through what’s next on my plate…and to figure out maybe how the Lord is preparing me for the new ministry He has for me. Since I have shared with some of the students that I directly invest in, I feel that I am finally free to express to the blog world that at this moment in my life, I will be packing up and moving to Florida for the next year.

Which brings me back to the sad of the week…while I am excited about the possibilities of this new adventure (and there really are some exciting things that I will most definitely be sharing soon), this week found me fighting the hurts and pain surrounding this decision. I found myself fighting my flesh so much this week as I encountered a barrage of unfeeling questions from the insiders who have known about this decision since January. The fight with the flesh came as I struggled to not give into my perceptions of what I believe others are thinking about me. It was a wearying fight. I don’t feel that I walked out of the week in a way that makes me feel proud. During one of our final worship times as I wrestled with all of these thoughts and feelings, the Lord nudged a thought past me: Blythe, are you worshipping your pain and hurt? Don’t you know that I see you? Worship Me and what I say is true about you…

Later that same day as I spent some time in the Word, He seemed to reaffirm the thoughts during the worship time as I read about the Israelites in Joshua 7. In going up against Jericho, the Israelites were instructed to stay away from the articles of destruction and to spare Rahab and her family. Achan, however, had taken some of the spoil for himself, burying it in the ground outside his tent and it resulted in his life. (Funny to me that in taking what he desired and was forbidden that he couldn’t even enjoy it! What’s the used in having something that you have to bury?)

Go and consecrate the people. Tell them to consecrate themselves tomorrow, for this is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says, ‘There are among you, Israel, things set apart. You will not be able to stand against your enemies until you remove what is set apart.’ (Joshua 7:13)

As I read this, I was aware that the recent hurt and pain in my life was something that has an amazing ability to destroy me…and has an incredible capacity to keep me from standing against my "enemies." In realizing this, the Lord lovingly brought to mind those things that I need to remove…and that I need to walk gracefully in forgiveness toward those who have inflicted such hurt. And I just have to say, that identifying and relinquishing these deep hurts lifted the heavy weight that has encased my heart for several months. So thankful that He is a Jesus of rest...

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matt. 11:28-30)

New Scenery

Have I told you how much I love the laptop life? Am currently settling in for a little blog time (catching up on my favorite blogs) in Santa Fe, New Mexico. One of my best friends and I have had an absolutely lovely day romping about downtown Santa Fe. For lunch I took her to my favorite Thai restaurant on the edge of the Plaza. Then we did some shopping at some of our favorites – Ann Taylor, J. Crew, White House Black Market. Now we’re both soaking up the local atmosphere in a little café away from the heavy Plaza traffic – Ecco Espresso & Gelato. It is delightful. She’s leafing through wedding magazines; I’m spending some quality time with Laptop. (Have I mentioned that Laptop and I are in a relationship? We’ve hardly had a moment to ourselves all week!)

In any case, I’m enjoying the scenery from a new corner of the world.

He looks like I feel...

Well, it's been nothing short of crazy the past few days in getting ready to take our students to the mountains of New Mexico. It's been a tradition in our ministry for over 35 years to take students with us to a conference that focuses in on helping them further cultivate their walk with Jesus and be exposed to a lot of practical content from a number of godly older men and women.

As for me, I'm finally packed although looking at all of the stuff to be loaded into the car tomorrow morning, it seems like I've packed everything but the kitchen sink! And, yes, a fresh pound of coffee beans and grinder are ready for some mornings in New Mexico and the fun coffee mug for the week has been picked. Despite a nine hour car ride, I'm looking forward to spending some quality time with my dear friend who's soon to be married. As well, it should be a good week to catch up with some people that I hardly get to see much these days since our lives tend to often go in different directions even though we live in the same town!

In any case, it's time for this pooped pickle to be heading to bed...

Concerned Aunt

I received a phone call a few hours ago from sister who lives in Florida. She is expecting with my niece around the end of April. Last week she was put on bed rest due to rising blood pressure and the doctors feared preeclampsia. After running all the tests, she was cleared of that. So, that's a praise for sure! However, despite a solid week of laying around in bed, her blood pressure's still on the rise!

So she's currently settling in for a few days in the hospital so the doctors can watch her closely and see if they can't get the blood pressure to come down with meds. As well, they're trying to beef up the baby's lungs with steriods just in case they have to deliver her early. She's at week 33 so they hope to get her to at least between weeks 36-38.

In any case, my heart is full of concern for my family at this moment. If you're passing through I'd sure appreciate your prayers for my little sis and niece! And, that maybe Aunt Blythe will be okay being so far away from her during this time!!

Handling our Hearts

A recent email from a new visitor got me thinking today about how we handle our hearts. As I found myself thinking about being single and yet living well in spite of unanswered longings, it got me thinking again about how I handle my desires for anything really. I mean, what about that grand desire to be a published writer…or to own my own really hip and successful coffee house…or to get the Lauren Graham style award for hippest and hottest woman in her 30s…or the desire to be heard and validated merely for where I’m at in my journey today. The list could go on and on and be as simple as desiring a new pair of really cute and expensive shoes…

What do we do with this little thing called desire?

In the Christian realm, I’ve long sat under teaching that promotes the attitude that desires are wrong if not sinful. The underlying message: Whatever your heart desires can’t be good. Is that wrong teaching? Well, to be fair, it does say in Jeremiah 17:9, “The heart is more deceitful than anything else and desperately sick—who can understand it?” However, I think we’ve often taken this verse out of context. If you read Jeremiah 17 (if not the entire book), the Lord is making a statement about the condition of Israel’s sin…after their hearts had followed after other gods or idols.

What we fail to talk about here is something much deeper…that the heart is made for worship. If the heart is not being filled with worship of God Himself, rest assured it will worship something else! In Jeremiah, the Lord is identifying a heart condition that has chosen to worship other things and not Him. And yet, it’s not the end of the story! If you follow this story closely, you’ll find Him making a statement later on in Ezekiel about a permanent solution to this kind of heart condition: “I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws” (Ez. 26:25-27; similar comment in Ez. 11:19)

To me, it sounds like there’s hope for my heart and its desires. Sounds to me that the solution He’s offering will permanently take care of this condition. The solution: Jesus’ death on the cross, covering my sin, and enabling my heart full restoration. My heart has been fully redeemed and bears the blood-stained stamp of Christ. My heart is new…restored…clean.

So, if that’s true of my heart, why do I often still find myself wrestling with feeling that my desires are somehow wrong?

Again I’m reminded of James 4 which identifies the causes of fights and quarrels among the people of God – he says that they come from “your desires that battle within you” (4:1). What we often do with this verse is insert the word “evil” before desires. (FYI: I believe the NLT version uses “evil” to describe desires – that’s actually a bad translation.)

What James is alluding to is not the fact that desire was evil to begin with. Heart desires are not wrong. It’s not wrong, for example, to desire to be loved. It’s not a bad desire to want to be accepted. It’s not evil to desire security. What James is speaking of is the way we go about trying to make those desires happen:

“You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely? But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.”

I take great hope in dealing with my heart as James basically points us to identify our heart longings (not evil but good) and where we might have gone astray by worshipping other things. The following has been a really helpful picture of discovering the trail of how the normal desires of daily living take control of the heart. It’s taken from Paul David Tripp’s Helping Others Change which is the workbook that enhances his book Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands:

1. Desire: “I want.” Nothing wrong here yet.
2. Demand: “I must.” The desire is no longer an expression of love for God and man, but something I crave for myself.
3. Need: “I will.” Something desirable is now seen as essential. I am convinced that I cannot live without it.
4. Expectation: “You should.” This is where my relationships begin to be affected. If I really believe that this is a need, then it seems right to expect that you will meet my need if you really love me.
5. Disappointment: “You didn’t!” Here the anger breaks out and becomes personal. You are standing in the way of what rules my heart.
6. Punishment: “Because you didn’t, I will. . .” I respond to you in anger (silent treatment, hurtful words, vengeance, or violence.”

In identifying maybe where my heart has gone astray, I find that this enables me to once again yield myself over to the Lord and draw near to Him as James exhorts. In doing this, I’ve discovered how much the Lord delights in showing me that my longings or desires are good…and to entrust the working out of my desires to Him and not my own sticky hands…

Unknown White Male

My dear friend Jill always has her ear to the ground for which movies are upcoming that are sure to strike up thoughts and conversations of the deep. Here’s a documentary she recently posted that I found particularly fascinating. A few statements from the trailer and the official website left me thinking…

“A person is the sum of our memories…if you wipe that slate clean, how do you figure out what is relevant to you?”

“We watch how he reconstructs a life for himself by retaining what he admires about his former self while casting off what—and whom—he dislikes. It is at once a nightmare and a dream come true: a chance at rebirth.”

What a thought…we are who we are because of the decisions we make along the way, building deep memories that shape and mold us into the person we are today. Our memories tell our stories – the good, the bad, the ugly, the pains, the joys. If those memories are wiped out and we must start over, will we become a different person? Can we become a different person? Or, do you think those memories and events are so deeply ingrained us that even if we can’t consciously remember our own past journey the buried subconscious will inevitably still shape our present?

While I haven’t seen the outcome of this particular story, I wonder what the storytelling might reveal about the deeper journey of Doug Bruce’s soul…and the God-story upon his life that can never be erased…

A Night at the Oscars

Four gal pals came over and joined me for a night in front of the television for one of our favorite events of the year. Here’s a summary of our highs and lows for the evening…

High
Jon Stewart. We admire his wit and courage…who else can insult you and still look so charming?

High
Ben Stiller as Green Screen Man. Just Ha-larious.

Low
When Philip Seymour Hoffman won for Capote over Joaquin Phoenix. “Joaquin just was Johnny Cash. He put his heart and soul into it. And, he’s just so darn easy on the eyes.” (That’s the verbatim consensus.)

High
Reese Witherspoon wins Best Actress for Walk the Line. Cheers went up in the room. We couldn’t be more proud of our little southern gal.

Low
The film montages…for some reason we never could understand what they were about. However, it could be that we switched to watching episodes of season one of The Office during them…

High
Crash wins Best Picture!!!! You could have knocked us over! We were sure that Brokeback would walk away with it! Crash was truly these gals’ favorite film of the year! Again, cheers throughout. (“Raise your hand if you weren’t in Crash.” Jon, you’re so cute.) Couldn't think of a better way to end an evening.

Fashion Nods from the Fabulous Fashionistas

Live from a living room very far away from Hollywood and dripping with fashion commentary, here are 5 fabulous fashion gurus pics and pans for this year's red carpet.

Ah, Jen. Kisses girlfriend. You just look fabulous! 

A picture's worth a thousand words...but we can only get out "ouch!" We would like to know if her hair had to go through security check?

Charlize! What were you thinking??? Normally we're all about Charlize. So sad. Or, could it be that Charlize is a secret agent, the bow hiding a microphone that she periodically speaks into?

Hmmm....

Amy Adams. Beautiful gal but really should have rethought the attire. 

J Lo. At least one person in the room wants to be you (ah hem, Blythe). Looks incredible. 

Jessica Alba. She's got our glam vote. 

Ryan and Reese. Kisses. They're just too cute. Many prayers that they'll avoid Hollywood's recent race to divorce court. 

We love the blue. Salma looks amazing. 

Confession

I just wasted an hour and half of a Saturday morning watching Down to You on television. I don't know what it is about cheezy, angst-driven young adult movies that can so easily suck me in. Maybe it's that I have a secret fascination for Freddie Prinze, Jr. (he always seems to star in these mundane script/plotless wonders). In any case, there's an hour and a half of my life that I won't get back.

Bummer.

The blessing of lingering...

Just finished reading some of the comments (and emails) made during our coffee conversation. Wow. That kind of conversation deeply blesses me! After a bummer last day (nothing huge, just one of those days) the Lord knew that I needed to get my mind on some eternal things today.

One of my most cherished things to do is have people over, put on the coffee, dish out something a little sweet, and linger over good conversation – talking about the way our hearts are processing the Lord and where He currently finds us in our own unique journeys; sharing fresh insights we are learning about Him; celebrating life together in Christ. In reading your comments, I feel as if you all have stepped into my living room and found a space on a couch and lingered...

So, thanks for lingering in my little corner.

Some Coffee Conversation

Today I'm hanging out at Panera trying to give the rest of my afternoon to some much needed prep for a few responsibilities on my plate for an upcoming Spring Break conference we take our students on every year.

Somewhere along the line I agreed to do the intro at the beginning of the week on how to meet with Christ. My responsibility is to "cast the vision for the value of a PERSONAL walk with God...and how to communicate with Him."

What seemed initially like something that was right up my alley -- I love to help people discover relationship with Christ -- now seems a little daunting! As I've been sitting here pondering this journey in my own life, I feel humbled by this task. I mean, what does that look like really?

• How do you communicate relationship with Jesus?
• How do you cast a vision for an outcome that happens as a result of yes, doing some specific things to engage in pursuit – reading the Word, prayer, meditating on Scripture, journaling, etc. – and yet is so much more than those specifics?
• How do you share a picture for the transformation that is sure to happen when someone encounters real, live, up close and personal relationship with Christ?
• How do you paint a picture of the Person you’re trying to probe and how do you communicate the process of allowing Him to do the same to you?

So, I'm asking you -- How do you do this? What does relationship with Jesus look like for you?

The coffee's poured. The comfy seats in my little corner are ready. Anyone have any ideas?

Hope Blossoms

I feel giddy.

Despite my best efforts to shake it, giddiness is the state of my heart.

The nature of said giddiness just seems too good to be true. Can it be, Lord? Could this really be Your hand?

It smells suspiciously like Him…those intricate little details, twists and turns in the road that no human hand can lay claim to. Details that can only but point to the ultimate proof of His kindness and goodness upon this family.

But it seems misplaced.

Past experience would dictate, Watch it. Don’t get your hopes up! Disappointment abounds!

And yet, the giddiness persists.

God speaks.

Staggered by Hope.

Grounded by Faithfulness.

Surprised by Worship.

Too Wonderful to take the promise of it all in.